One life inverted into a swollen detail, until what we wished for squeaked half-liquid and ripe under our breastbones, turning us pliant to one world in another world, the point of falling, of leave-taking, abrupt processions wind-shuffled and splitting. Like fire and time, it must be stolen while falling. What’s fallen is anyone’s. What comes through air to ground. Just that much space. A short dive. Think how easy it would be to ruin our lives.
I look down shyly and play with my fingernails, appearing to seem interested in it. I do not dare look up.
"… not in grades or physically necessarily, but emotionally rather."
I can feel the eyes on me. I do not dare look up.
"This summer, I have been in a bad state of mind and I really hope this year I can learn to accept the way things are…"
"… to let people in who genuinely care for my sake and not shut them out as I have done in the past."
Its out, its out. Breathe.
I look up and the first person I see is you looking at me with sad, worried, confused eyes. It made me believe you actually cared for my well-being. It made me believe you seemed actually concerned to what happened to me this summer. I felt a hand hold mine in comfort. I didn’t realize my voice was shaking.
If only, if only.
Instead, “My goal this year is to be a better person.”
I wouldn’t dare say what I ever wanted to. I could never muster up the courage to say that even to my closest of friends, nonetheless in front of everyone. And yet, I want more than anything for you to get a glimpse into my mind.