I came across my old diary I started from around the end of 7th grade. I began reading of my old dilemmas I used to cry over. I roll my eyes. Its only been 3 years since. I’m surprised at how I’ve changed. I laugh at my innocent choice of words. I feel nostalgic rather, of the past I thought was difficult. I would live it again if that meant I wouldn’t go through this.
You’ve changed me. I changed me. I see the world differently now.
This was what I’ve always wanted. Why am I so afraid of something I fantasized about day after day? If I told you, it wouldn’t be such a big deal to you. But in the back of my mind, I wonder if you’re just as terrified as I am. Its homecoming. I should be living it up. And I will try like hell to enjoy this.
I”m not an impulsive person. I’m still wondering what came over me that day. Its not usual for me to just go out and buy an $80 dress. You make me do crazy things. Its quite pathetic of me when I think about that. I just hope this will all be worth it. Or then you’d owe me $80.
I slyly look your way now and then. I find it hard to stray my eyes away from you long. I see you gazing right at me. I tell myself that your looking out the window behind me. Oh, how I wish it was much more than so.
You drove me home yesterday. As a friendly favor. We sat together in the front. Our knees grazed by each other. Did you feel it too? We sang a song. A song that is still in my head now. I walked out on my driveway last night. Standing where you were. You were there. Right there. Right here.
I felt nothing. No ache. No frustration. For once, I felt fine. I believe it was because you were here. But, I knew once I’ve woken up from this short-lived dream. It will hurt. The kind of hurt that makes you stop and sigh.
I woke up this morning dazed. Like I was having a hangover. It begins once again. Ouch.